Life's Defining Moments

It seems to me now that there was a critical period in my life , with it's starting point to be found when I met my first love in the summer of 1975. Well, it is poignant now to see in my minds eye the girl - myself - as I was at that first meeting as a 17 year old teenager in the Kepnock School grounds.  I feel for her, I understand her; and if I could speak to  her now as I wish to do, she would not understand me the journey I have traveled to reach the destination that is my current existence.  I want to offer her some sage advice and be her friend, but that is not possible. She must live the years.

 "Perhaps everyone looks back to such a moment, but most likely not. I rather think that there are many worthy and contented people who never enter their other lives, who are never forced so far into themselves that they enter a strange country, and on balance I pity them though there are few of them I find I want to know. I think I subscribe to the dreary philosophy that it is suffering of one kind or another that makes us interesting.  Not that I believe in any duty to suffer or virtue  in mere endurance, but we must suffer in order to fully to live."(The Good Doctor, Groom, C., Phoenix House, London, 1995, p.17)

What do you think about critical turning points, the value of reflection and the premise that suffering is a prerequisite  to interesting character development and to fully live?

It is my intention to explore these concepts in more detail over the next couple of posts.I'd like to begin with turning points or defining moments.

Defining Moments 

What is a Defining Moment or Critical Turning Point?  It's the idea that at a certain point, something of significance occurs that shifts our way of thinking, being or doing and is likely to influence future events or actions.  Events or experiences that are transformative have the following characteristics:

1. We suddenly see our current situation as no loner tenable.  We wake up to the reality of our existence and recognise it is not how we envisaged our life to be.
2. We sense an underlying in-congruence between our attitudes and beliefs and actions
3. We suddenly see our world/existence through a different lens 

Defining moments include a wide range of experiences across the life span. They could be the result of chance occurrences (those over which the individual has no control over) or those we have engineered  ourselves (those subject to individual choice and actions).  For example a car accident leading to a new career as a public speaker, a chance meeting at a cafe culminating in a marriage proposal or meeting a mentor who encourages you to pursue a new career in a different field to the one you have trained .  

According to theories on human nature our lives are scripted from early childhood to follow a particular path or life plan. This occurs subtly thorough the messages, both negative and positive with receive from the world around us, particularly the important adults in our lives (parents, teachers, ministers, coaches and other role models). These messages tell  us who were are and who we should become.  I remember as I child being told I was no good at math so I never considered any career that involved this as a part of the skill set, yet my brother became a highly regarded research scientist. He was bought chemistry sets as a child and encouraged to experiment. My father thought education was wasted on women as they would only get married and have children anyway.  I know, a dated view, but still prevalent in the world today subtly if not overtly. Therefore, subconsciously children make decisions based on these implicit and explicit messages which in turn form a life plan or script.  Turning Points occur when our personal life script is challenged and we have to decide whether to "lean into the new information or run away from it".  What turning points have you "leaned into" and which "have you ran away from"?  How do you feel about the choice you made ?

 Gini Graham Scott in the blog post "Do Life's Turning Points Make A Difference" argues that critical turning points may not result in life altering changes. She suggests they might just be an alternative route to reach the same place in life.  "In other words, if you have a strong goal, maybe turning points are really alternate routes along the way rather than being the only life-changing event to get you there. " This also means that obstacles or turning  points that might derail you can be seen as detours or short cuts or just "another memory of what happened while you were on that path." For example, as a teenager I wanted to pursue a career in the welfare sector, but meeting and being with my "first love" took me in a completely different direction. However, years later, after several detours (including marrying and raising a family) I ended up achieving this goal. 

Moment Mapping

An activity I would recommend to assist in  reviewing the significance of a critical turning  point is "Moment Mapping".  This activity will give you a chance to think not only critically but creatively about a particular life event and how it has featured in you life script.  

Materials

Sketch Paper

Art Supplies ( up to you how much or little - paint, pencils, crayons, brushes, scissors, glue, magazines etc)

Process
1. Take a moment to sit quietly and think about the following:

• What have been the critical moments in your life?
• What moments in your life have helped define who you are? or

2. Which moments in your life do you think have been important in forming who you are?Now spend 20-30 minutes to artistically represent one of those moments in whatever way you see fit. 

3. After you have completed the Moment Map, write a letter from your future self to your  past self during that moment - it can include support, advice or what you have learned about your own life script and the significance of that particular event/person/choice. I love to scrapbook so I did a page including a letter to myself as a high school senior .

 I'd love to see your own Moment Mapping Masterpiece. 

If you enjoyed this post please share with your friends and keep an eye out for  the "Value of Reflection" in the next couple of weeks. 

When Things Go Pear-Shaped

At the recent Queensland State Elections (only three days ago) the Liberal National Party's aspirations to regain office went pear shaped when there was a massive swinging vote towards the Labor Party.  While the politicians and press were expecting a slight change, no one was expecting this particular outcome, not even the Labor Party.  Now everything is Shambolic -lots of high anxiety in both parties and politicians running around like "chooks with their heads cut off".  Stress, fear and high anxiety are the order for the day - for both political parties.

We have all had moments when life has not gone to plan - when things have gone pear shaped for us too. We appear to be going alone just fine and the next minute - "wipe out" . I know how it feels.  When my first marriage ended, I was devastated. Even though things had not been going well for sometime and I knew a break up might be on the cards, it was still a shock when it happened.  It left me reeling for months afterwards as I drowned in grief and loss.  I'm sure you all have had similar moments in your lives. However, it's not always big things, traumatic events or life threatening occurrences ( car accident, bankruptcy, death of a child) that send shock waves through our lives. It can be the seemingly smaller stuff like missing out on a job promotion, a place at university or failing an exam.  You can't rank these "pear shaped events" based on severity because as humans we are all unique. Therefore the impact and how we respond to the event will be different for each and every one of us.

How Do  We Cope

With Other Peoples Life calamities
An important aspect of these "pear shaped events" is how other people respond to our distress.  I think we all have a natural defense mechanism in which we make an art from of ignoring other peoples perils.  We might offer sympathy and a token form of support but we detach ourselves from their pain and try to limit our exposure to their raw emotions.  Not because we are selfish or uncaring but as a way of self protection.  Here are some tips on how to deal with other peoples "pear shaped events".

1. Try not to over-react. If you panic, you are likely to over whelm them with your own response and make them more upset. Calm down before talking with them.
2. Let them know you care and will support them as best you can. Spend a little extra time with them.
3. Assist them to get professional support if necessary.
4.  Listen and empathize. Be supportive and non-judgmental. Allow them  the time and space to express their feelings. Respect that people deal with crises differently, even those close to you.  Be patient and kind.
5. Respect their need for privacy and be more tolerant. Give each other space.
6. Validate the person . Show appreciation, give hugs and offer praise.
7. Use rituals that can reaffirm  bonds and help the healing process (e.g., leaving flowers at an accident site or organizing a memorial service).Consider planning enjoyable activities for you and your friend/family to help them refocus their attention.  Be sensitive to how you do this or you might cause tension.
8. Reflect on Change: After some time has elapsed, focus and talk about how each person has changed or grown as a result of the experience 

With our own Pear Shaped Event

“Life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you respond to it.” 

Charles Swindoll

1. Release the Negative Emotion: Don't hide from your feelings.  Scream and shout - Let it all hang out - at least initially. Owing and examining your emotionally response is all part of the healing process.  Talk about it with others who have had similar experiences or seek professional support. Talking is healing.
2. Trust that you'll be O.K no matter what Happens: You have been through difficult times before so you'll be able to do it again. Be positive about yourself and your future. 
3. Accept the Situation: No point in getting caught up in the blame game or wallowing in self pity (not for too long anyway) as this will only keep you "treading water" after the wipe out.  Everyone knows that treating water for a long time is tiring and if you don't start to swim you'll eventually drown.  So get swimming .Work out what you can control and what things you are not able to change. Don't expect too much of yourself – everyone falls in a heap at some time. 
   
4. Focus on the Lesson: Rick Warren in the "Purpose Driven Life" says that painful experiences equip us for life. It is character building. When ever we try to avoid or escape the difficulties in life, we short circuit the process, delay our growth and development . Denial and avoidance of reflecting on the these seemingly random events stunts our growth and maturation. So look for the lesson in the random event - perhaps the statement "no pain no gain"  applies to more than a gym membership after all.
5. Stay Solution Focused: After the initial emotional response (anger, frustration, grief, fear) take stock of the situation.  What is the real problem?  How big is it really?    What actions can you make in response to the issue?  If you stay focused on problem solving and looking for a solution you will be able to develop a plan to move your life forward beyond the crisis point.
6. Take Action: Time now to put your plan into action. Set small realistic goals to help tackle obstacles. Take one day at a time and be kind to yourself. Get as much physical activity as possible. Exercise or learn relaxation techniques or meditation in order to relax and feel rejuvenated. Give someone a hug - touching is very important

Important Note: It is very important to recognize the strengths in yourself but also recognize when you need additional support. Being able to identify your needs and get the assistance you require can help reduce distress. Recognizing the need for assistance and seeking professional support will aid in achieving recovery and the development of resilience.

Pursue your Passion in 2015

Ever sat down at your computer to search for something on the net and then got distracted – menacing you ended up researching and reading something completely irrelevant to your original search?  That happens to me all the time.  I can literally waste an entire day and like Hansel and Grettle get lost in the forest of online information fodder.  After gorging myself for hours reading and digesting tips, tricks and free downloads, I am no further advanced then I was when I first booted up the tower of terror earlier in the day.

This story can be an analogy of my life: starting off with the best of intentions to further a particular goal, then getting distracted, side tracked and then completely lost.  Last year I wrote a number of posts at selfcoach2success including this one on Going for Gold on Goal Setting.  And there are a myriad of other similar posts out there that detail how to write SMART Goals and how to action them.  So I’m not going to bother regurgitating any of that stuff here.  Do a couple of Google searches if you are really keen or checkout my post from last year if you want to travel that well-worn path to goal activation.  Last year I set a number of goals and I fully intended to kick ass and achieve them – alas I was a FAILURE – well at least in the goals I set myself – but I transformed myself in other ways that were completely off the charts.  I started this new venture with Merna Soul Sister Circle, created new and inspiring connections with other women and taught myself how to use electronic media ( a big achievement for someone who is technological challenged).

Today, I want to step out of this old framework (SMART Goals etc) and explore some new paradigms. Take a step away from the crowd – this includes my engineer husband, James, who is a goal focused and list orientated person  (almost a slave to his lists in some ways).  He keeps badgering me about what New Year Resolutions I've set for myself. Well, it’s time for me to break the chains of conformity and buck the trend of starting the year with Resolutions (only to feel guilty and defeated when I fail to attain the prize). I have decided to reject these old tried and tested methods of progressing my life - much to James’ vexation.  He is uneasy with my new found philosophy and keeps reminding me that no Goal – no growth or gain.

As I said earlier this year I intend to try something “out of the box”.  It’s called Conscious Creation.  James is shaking his head and raising his eye brows as I write this sentence.  I know what he is thinking – “ New age fangled jangles – Linda chasing fairly dust again.  She’s spending too much time with that friend of hers - Merna.” Maybe he’s right, but I’m bored with treading the same old path year after year.  It’s time for me to try a new route with new thoughts and associated actions.  What to hear about it? Well read on.

Jeannette Maw at Good Vibe Blog   has summarized the foundational principles of Conscious Creation to 10 basic tenets. They are:

1.      Anything we can imagine we can create

2.      We create our own reality – based on how we focus (see last weeks blog – recreating your life through the story we tell ourselves and  others)

3.      Yesterday (the past) has no power over us unless we let it

4.      New desire comes from accepting what we don’t want

5.      We receive from the universe what we are feeling – eg think negative an that’s what you’ll get and the reverse it also true

6.      We don’t need to figure out how we are going to get what we want – that’s the Universe’s job – like this concept don’t you?

7.      Our job is to engage our power of focus

8.      Being appreciative puts us in alignment with all good things in the universe

9.      As we create our own truth everyone gets to be right – we don’t have to agree in order to get our own way

10.  Feeling good is both the target (dream) and also the path.

A bit more interesting than the usual ways of looking at things do you think!  Yes, it is a bit more airy fairy too, I suppose.  Anyway lets explore some of the ways we can go about designing a rich and rewarding future using the science of Conscious Creation?

The Process

1.      Look at your past ( see  last weeks post)

2.      Draft your life timeline – start with your birth and all the interesting events/activities/actions that have happened since then to the current date eg school, relocation, marriage, travel, employment etc.  Helen Anderson at ehow has provided a step by step instruction for this activity.You can also generate an online timeline or printable timeline .

3.      Explore where you are now – detail your current life down to the nth degree

The Wheel of Life activity is used by Life Coaches all over the world to help people explore their current situation and to determine satisfaction and balance in various areas.  I found this one a little bit different and thought you might like to give it a try too or alternatively you might like this one.

 4.      Imagine your personal life purpose – A free e-book on this activity can be obtained at Celestine Chua is the writer and founder of PersonalExcellence.

5.      Articulate a pledge to the future you.  

Some Useful Activities 

Commitment Card – Pledge to Future self

1. Write out your pledge or mission statement on 5 pieces of card. For example: “On the 31 of December 2015 I am celebrating New Year’s eve with two of my new friends”. It is important to write down the date.

2. Share your Commitment Cards with 5 people you trust and respect. If you don’t feel able to do this then post it on your desk top or some where you can see it every day.  Alternatively you can make a pledge online 

 3. Encourage these 5 people to inquire about your pledge. If you are doing it alone, re-read your pledge and think about that future self regularly.

4. Ask the  5 people you shared your Commitment card with to contact you on the date stated on the card to see if you have fulfilled the contract to yourself. 

Vision Boards

A couple of great sites with instructions on the do’s and don’ts of vision boarding.  Christine Kane offers a free booklet on the process or Martha Beck offers some additional  tricks. Merna and I are going to make a video of the process we followed and post it later this month.  Watch this space.

Hope you have found this an interesting alternative to the New Year’s Resolution conundrum.  I’ll be experimenting with this formula over the next month and would love to see your vision boards or response to this New Wave Formula for creating a future self.

Reflecting on the year that was

In ancient Roman religion and myth, Janus  a two head god was the god of beginnings and transitions. He is usually depicted as having two faces, since he looks to the future and to the past. The Romans named the month of January in his honour. December 31st became a symbolic time for Romans to make resolutions for the new year and forgive enemies for troubles in the past. People all over the world have followed this tradition by setting goals for the future year but few have spent the time to reflect  on the past year.   I believe that reflection on our past achievements and challenges provides direction for our future.  

I am starting out this year with a series of three (3) blog posts that will assist us to develop meaningful, achievable goals for the coming year.  I will explore the following concepts:

Who was I?

Who am I?

Who do I want to be?

Who was I?

Yep!  Today lets look back on the year that was 2014.  Last year I set myself a number of goals for self - change.  I set them out in a Going for Gold in Goal Setting.  I also outlined my struggles in achieving these goals in a number of other posts including Staying on Track with  your Goals. Laura King and Joshua Hicks in the research paper "Narrating the Self in the Past and Future: Implications for Maturity suggest exploring and elaborating on lost goals  - a future self we did not achieve - reveals a capacity for self development, maturity and tolerance for our own vulnerability.  Remember goals represent an individual's hopes for the future - so a future self.  

In January 2014, I saw my future self  being 55kg and able to jog 10km in an hour in December 2014.  This future self was thin and fit.  I will now admit that I have imagined this future self for many years - probably since I gained weight and lost my fitness - 10 years ago. Research on goal change has tended to show that when individuals are confronted  with failure they tend not to change their goals but rather to redouble their efforts. Other research suggests that persevering on unavailable goals is not likely to bring fulfillment.  

What were your goals in 2014? Did you achieve those goals? Have you set these goals before?  What was the future self you were trying to create?  Are these goals still relevant or achievable?  

Unfortunately I did not reach my goals for weight loss or achieve the fitness level I had aimed for.  Was I a failure at achieving these goals?  I guess you could say that,  given I did not reach the stated target in the given timeframe. I am sure there are thousands of people out there who are in the same boat as me who are telling themselves a story about how they are hopeless at staying focused and committed to their goals or they might be blaming others or life circumstances for the short fall.  I know I certainly have trotted out  this well worn story for many years.   However, this year I am going to examine an alternative narrative (story) that I think will be more helpful to my present and future self.  

As we look back over the past year we have two alternatives – an abundant mentality (glass half full to over flowing world view) or a deficit mentality (half empty world view). I prefer the former view, directing my energy and attention to the positive outcomes, progress or learning I have made during the year.  I want to focus on what worked, what I have learnt from  the challenges I have met and how I could improve on went well. I've discovered that this strategy is critical to building my emotional resilience and motivating me forward. If I create a story that is one of learning, growth, and empowerment, I feel motivated to imagine my best possible future self and meet the associated challenges. Which story do you prefer? 

Self Refelction

Here are a list of self reflection questions you might find useful to explore your past self:

1. What did I learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc.)
2. What did I accomplish? A list of my wins and achievements.
3. What would I have done differently? Why?
4. What did I complete or release? What still feels incomplete to me?
5. What were the most significant events of the year past? List the top three.
6. What did I do right? What do I feel especially good about? What was my greatest contribution?
7. What were the fun things I did? What were the not-so-fun?
8. What were my biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?
9. How am I different this year than last?
10. For what am I particularly grateful?

This is also a time to consider all those things in your life you would like to let go - this includes de-cluttering and giving the boot to your fantasy selves (lost possible self) and all its accessories.  For me, this includes throwing out the images of a super fit and thin smooth skinned woman that no loner has a place in my life.  What "lost possible self" are you going to give the boot before the New Year?

Activity: Letting go of "Lost Future  Selves"

1. Create the most vivid image (picture) of your lost future self - the one you not longer have the opportunity or inclination to achieve.  Describe this person in every detail including looks, thoughts, behaviours etc.  What do they do on a daily basis? Where do they live?  The greater the detail the better.  Use whatever medium you like to create your image - draw, paint, collage or write.  
2. Now it is time to put this Possible self to rest.  Light a candle and burn your picture. Grieve for what might of been.
3. Expect to feel sad after this process.  Seek professional assistance if you become depressed . Letting go is part of moving forward. 

In 2015, I encourage you to step into a new way of living by relinquishing cherished goals that are not loner available and reinvest in new goals. To be happy and avoid regret it is best  to relegate lost goals to"what might have been" and move on.  A person can not persevere on old goals and maintain happiness. Rather the pursuit of happiness requires a central change in one's motivational system - relinquishing one's previous sources of meaning and embracing life's second chance.  Also remember that growth begins at the end of your comfort zone.  Not only is it important to accept the discomfort of taking steps forward, it is also necessary to let go of comfortable routines and situations from the past.  Holding on to the way things were, prevents you from growing into who you are now, and who you are capable of being.

I hope yu have some time to spend between Christmas and New Year reviewing your life to date.  Perhaps you might find some time to do the activities I've listed above. 

I would be grateful for any suggestions on moving forward after  you have had to let go of a dream or goal.  

Home Alone at Christmas: Survival Guide

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year—unless you're spending it alone (not by choice) or don't celebrate it. Then you're stuck with a world mostly shut down and seemingly nothing to do. It can also be lonely and depressing.  You can get through Christmas by making the choice to develop some rituals and routines of your own to not only survive but enjoy the  "festive season". Check out my Home Alone at Christmas Survival Guide.  

1. Plan Ahead

·         Decide if you are going to go the whole hog and host your own Christmas Day Dinner (for one) with all the trimmings or down play the day and pretend it’s just like any other.  I prefer the first option myself but will give  you some tips on how to survive both choices.  I highly recommend you put together a basic timeline for the day - this not only ensures you don't end up missing a movie or lose any reservations you may have made but it also adds to the excitement.

    

·         Plan out the menu and purchase the ingredients. Why not try something new and exotic. If you're not confident putting a menu together, check out the Christmas menu plans collection. Here you'll find 30+ menus, most with time plans and tips, ready to roll.

·         If you don’t want to cook then think about making a booking at a local restaurant. Finding a Chinese restaurant that's open on Christmas doesn't take much work. A few phone calls should find you a meal pretty quickly. If you're in a larger city with a large cluster of Chinese restaurants (e.g. Chinatown), look in that area as well. Don't forget to make a reservation even if it's just dinner for you as popular restaurants sometimes receive so much business on Christmas day that they can't accommodate everyone.

·         The day before, find all the serving dishes, plates, cutlery, glasses and table linen and make sure they're clean and ready. 

·         Purchase any drinks including alcohol prior to the day

·         Ensure you make any other purchases including decorations, gifts, etc prior to the day.

·         Make any reservations at restaurants or theaters early on so you aren't disappointed. 

2. Deck the Halls

Christmas is a great time to spruce up the place and give your home a joyous feel – remember Christmas is about birth, renewal – peace on earth and joy to the world.  There are numerous sites on the internet that can help you out with ideas for decorating, not only the inside, but the outside of the house.  Some ideas are based on DYI and craft while others require a trip to the store.  

As you are hosting your own Christmas Party for One, I highly recommend you decorate the table.  

 3.  Start the Day with a Home Spar (Spoil Yourself)

Every woman likes and deserves to be pampered. So why not give yourself a treat by bring out your do-it-yourself spirit and treating yourself to a home spar.  Again there are lots of sites on the internet that can supply cost effective tips on creating a home spar. Check out these home beauty treatments at HuffingtonPost. 

4.  Dress the Part

There is a lot of fun in dressing for Christmas Day. Generally speaking the gift I’m most likely to buy myself at Christmas is something to wear on Christmas Day. What about you? I recommend that regardless of whether you intend to party at home or go out to a restaurant or movie you want to make the most of the opportunity to dress up for the day. Get out of those PJ”s and put on something  that makes you feel good about yourself.  

 5.  Prepare the Feast (Food and Drinks)

·         Put drinks in the fridge

·         Prepare the food - Follow the recipe

·         Set the table

6. Music Mystro

Christmas carolling is an easy way to get in the holiday spirit, whether you sing carols in your home or house to house. We have the Christmas lyrics to all your favourite holiday music, such as "We Wish You a Merry Christmas," "Deck the Halls," "Jingle Bells," "O Christmas Tree," and more. Learn the words to these Christmas carols and sing them while you decorate the table or play a Christmas Album while you have your meal. When it's time to sing, you'll never forget the words to all the classic Christmas songs with the printable (and free!) Christmas Carols list download, a cute mini book with lyrics to more than 25 holiday songs listed in alphabetical order at Better Homes and Gardens. 

7.  Take some Photos

All your efforts to make this a day to remember should not be lost simply because you are on your own.  Remember to crank up the camera battery or charge the phone or Ipad and get snapping.  Just about everyone is an expert at Selfies but if you’re not one of those (like me) then check out the hints at Shutterfly

Exposure Guide provides some tips for Christmas photography that can enhance your Christmas album by showing you how to photograph Christmas lights, trees etc.

 8.  Entertainment/Activities

·         For your entertainment, movies are the traditional choice. Several come out on Christmas day because theatres attract both people who celebrate the holiday and those that don't. Google Movies can quickly tell you what's playing in your area (as you probably already know), and FirstShowing can tell you what's going to be out on Christmas Day. If choosing this option check online and book ahead. Christmas at the movie theatre is very busy and you don't want to get stuck in the front row or behind someone who blocks your view. Regardless of assigned seats, however, you should still arrive a little early. People traffic and parking can make you late on a busy day.

·         If going out sounds like too much trouble, then why not buy or hire a DVD and kickback on the couch for the afternoon.

·         Settle back and get into a good read – this might mean a library visit or book shop purchase prior to the day unless like me you have a home library.

·         Other options include the following::

a)      Pretend to be a Tourist: Some tourist attractions stay open on Christmas, especially in larger cities. Check out online what’s on in your city over the Christmas period. Of course, many tourist attractions don't have to remain open for you to enjoy them. If you go check out a monument or historical landmark, they're around on Christmas and cost you nothing.

b)      Volunteer: Not having anything to do on Christmas isn't exactly a big life problem that needs solving. Other people have nowhere to go and nothing to eat. If you've got nothing to do, use that time to volunteer and help people who need it. Check your local homeless shelters and non-profit organizations for possibilities.

c)      Church: Check out the local paper or online for the church closest to you.  Every church will have a service at some time on Christmas Day and might even have a morning tea to share with new comers. 

d) Drop in on a Neighbour: A combination of the ageing population and the fact families are dispersed across the country - and abroad for that matter - means it is not always easy to get together.Age UK estimates about 450,000 will be spending this Christmas alone. Perhaps you are not really alone after all - just look about your neighbourhood - there could be someone who would appreciate a  visitor. 

e) Host an Online Christmas: Do you have some online friends? Do you have long-distance relatives? Host an online Christmas by setting up a Skype chatroom or Facebook group. People can drop in and out as they please, and you don't have to cook, clean, or even get out of your pyjamas.

f) Gratitude - Take the time to appreciate what you do have in your life, be it good health, a place to live, or a job.

 9.  Go for a Walk

According to a new study from the Queensland University of Technology in Brisbane, a 75kg (11st 11lbs) woman would need to walk 6.2km (nearly 4 miles) to burn up the calories found in a single 360 calorie mince pie.  If you do eat a large meal high in fat, the best thing to do for yourself and your arteries is to go for a 45 minute walk.  Even if you've put counting calories on the back burner during the holidays, you should still try to keep your health in mind.

Apart from the calorie burn walking has significant other health benefits.

  So put on the “tracky dacks” and runners and get outdoors Christmas and do a couple of laps around the block.  It will clear your head and heart.

10.   Reflect on the Reason for the Season (Meditate)

Christmas is a time of pausing and pondering, at least that is what it is meant to be. Christmas can be a feast of peaceful awe and joyful meditation. At the end of the day why not stop and consider the meaning Christmas has for you and your life.  A comprehensive scientific study  by researchers at Harvard Medical School discovered that yoga and meditation provide ''disease-fighting genes'' that protect from disorders such as pain, infertility, high blood pressure and even rheumatoid arthritis. The changes, say the researchers, were induced by what they call ''the relaxation effect'', a phenomenon that could be just as powerful as any medical drug but without the side effects.

My daily provides a short meditation to help distress at Christmas.

Reach Out

If you are feeling really down about being alone at Christmas and can't pull yourself out of it, reach out for help. Call a friend, family member, or a helpline. You don't need to be alone.